Dearest ♥ Friends,
In response to a recent social media post on 'Autism Awareness Day’ by the inspirational climate change activist Greta Thunberg, who considers herself to be on the Autistic Spectrum, I felt moved to write the following:
'High Functioning Autism' (HFA 1)
For many years, I have been aware of the symptoms of ‘High Functioning Autism’, (which I shall refer to in this article as HFA 1). Some of the signs and symptoms ascribed to this so-called 'condition' are more than familiar to me, and were I to be medically categorised I would most likely be diagnosed as being on the high functioning end of the autism scale. However, I do not adhere to ‘labels'.
As I perceive, we are all unique and gifted in our own special way. Yet, the current (old paradigm) world and its systems are inclined to automatically put us into particular categories if we have a propensity for a certain type of expression. Thus it becomes all too easy to (re)define ourselves through a medical (and psychological) lens that tends not to take into account the more subtle influences of the multi-faceted nature of a human being.
A clinical, medical, psychological or psychiatric diagnosis may well (and crucially) support one who is suffering, especially in the case of a chemical imbalance that negatively impacts mental health. However, in this article, I wish to address a 'non-clinical condition’ and the response and reaction this can elicit from the everyday world.
I began by mentioning the medical term ‘High Functioning Autism’ (HFA 1) because some of the recognised 'symptomatology' feature in my own life.
One evening, when I was seventeen, I fainted twice, hurtling down a long dark tunnel towards a great light only to come round before reaching it. Up until that point, I had been a highly sociable, outgoing and communicative teenager. Yet, immediately following these fainting episodes, I seem to have regained consciousness with the HFA symptoms that had been present when I was a very young child.
According to the medics, the first clear indicator of High Functioning Autism is a significant delay in the development of early speech and language skills before the age of three. I was four years old before I began to speak and until that time had lived in a world of silence. By the age of seven the 'symptoms' had completely disappeared and for the next ten years I was 'HFA' free.
A secondary primary indicator is the avoidance of one-to-one conversations and being in crowds and groups of people because of the experience of complete overwhelm and social awkwardness. Greta Thunberg speaks of this when sharing about her own relationship to socialising: "Some people mock me for my diagnosis. But Aspergers is not a disease, it’s a gift. People also say that since I have Aspergers I couldn’t possibly have put myself in this position. But that’s exactly why I did this. Because if I would have been ”normal” and social I would have organised myself in an organisation. But since I am not good at socialising I did this instead."
Personally, I continue to be socially awkward and struggle to maintain a conversation unless it is deep and meaningful and/or directly related to a subject I feel passionate about, such as my Work, Nature, the existential questions pertaining to life, the welfare of all sentient beings and lifeforms, and the magnificence of this beautiful Earth. I simply do not know how to (nor do I wish to) sustain small talk and therefore silence is an entirely natural mode.
Attempting to uphold my part in an everyday-type conversation feels like trying to change my shape from a triangle to a square. Behind closed doors when among like-hearts and like-minds my ability to communicate is effortless, although I am by nature a 'deep and silent type'. When it comes to holding a therapeutic space for an individual or group I can do this with ease because of the deep listening, perceptive insight, and skilfully timed interventions required, all of which come naturally to me.
'High Frequency Activated' (HFA 2)
After years of reflection on the matter of 'HFA', I have intuited an all-together different understanding and, perhaps, a more accurate non-clinical definition that I term "High Frequency Activated” (HFA 2).
In my own experience of HFA 2, I am familiar with the ability to disappear into a comfortable inner-zone - a quiet white space where no particular line of thinking is occurring. This ‘white zone’ serves to act as a cushion between me and a particular type of social scenario I may find myself in. It is an auto-response (not reaction) and tailored to my particular way of BEing in this world.
HFA individuals have a tendency to lock into their Work to the exclusion of all else: Their surroundings may be a whirl of activity yet they remain entirely oblivious to all that is going on. For my part, I can write up to eighteen hours a day, for days on end, without any break other than to eat (usually while writing) and sleep. Time stands still and hours rush by because of entering a realm of ’no time’ and being able to tap into and call forth information and data from within and beyond both Space and Time. The inspiration is limitless and, surprisingly, given such intense and concentrated outpourings, remains deeply resourcing and energising.
One of my favourite quotes is that of the late philosopher Soren Kierkegaard: “I found I had less and less to say, until, finally, I became silent, and began to listen. I discovered in the silence the voice of God.” How I have longed to experience this kind of day-to-day interaction with others, where we can discover the true voice of each other. And how I have yearned for the world to value and embrace this quality of connection as much as it celebrates verbal communication. To sit with another/others in sacred silence, profound connection and deep and intimate communion is ensouling.
Personally, I find silence to be the most enriching resource and an enabler of great vision, insight, perception, and inspiration. It serves as the most extraordinary connector between ourselves and another, and ourselves and the higher-dimensions: The deeper the silence, the more enlightening the communion.
There are many of us 'silent ones' in the world and if it could just integrate our way of BEing as a necessary part of the fabric of a healthy functioning society then the borders of judgement, comparison and separation etc would disappear, and we would move one step closer to becoming an integrated global family that embraces all of our differences in all of our diversity.
To BE 'High Frequency Activated' is to be rooted in a rich and fertile inner-world of gnosis, intuition, perception, conception, creation and vision. Public speaking and sharing from this deep alchemical inner-well of BEing brings a particular quality of energy, vibration and audience response-ability. This is because of the 'high-frequency' that is being transmitted, which is recognised, perceived and received by the heart rather than the mind. The information field for such a way of BEing is the Soul: A field such as this can be accessed by the most prolific of speakers and spontaneous orators as well as through those soporific and transportive communicators who are rooted in prolonged periods of deep presence and silence. Whoever and whatever the medium, HFA 2 connects and communicates heart-to-heart, mind-to-mind and soul-to-soul.
I like this way of BEing - this high frequency activated state - and, in reality, the only struggle I have with social situations comes down to decades of experiencing the reactions of others and all too numerous references to my "unnerving" presence because of my silence. What gets lost in it all is the fact that I AM totally present in LOVE; deeply listening, not predominantly from my mind but from my heart and soul - a way of hearing that can encourage a different type of response and facilitate a unique quality of communication.
The Agony and Ecstasy of HFA
There is both agony and ecstasy involved with the 'labels' of HFA (1&2): The former, due to the reactions (not responses) of others, which can often include the harsh experiences of judgment, comparison and rejection. The ecstasy however, is the visionary brilliance this state bestows and a capacity to tap into a phenomenal inner-world and higher-dimensional reality.
An 'HFA' brain is wired to inwardness, silence and marked independence. High Functioning Autism remains medically undiagnosed, and in today's world 'High Frequency Activated' would fail to gain recognition as an alternative expression of similar symptomology. However, the world is evolving and this way of BEing will one day be recognised and celebrated by the quantum medicine of a New Paradigm.
Fundamentally, 'HFA 1 & 2' amount to a profound inner-world focus and an extraordinary capacity for cognisance on a prolific scale. I leave the last words to Greta Thunberg, who I intuit to be a High Frequency Activated Being: "Our societies need to change, and we need people who think outside the box, and we need to start taking care of each other, and embracing our differences.”
LOVE, on All spectrums and in All dimensions!
Nicolya ♥ ♥